Playbacks tend to re-inforce this with me, and I don’t like to do a lot of listening. It sucks the air out of a session running back and forth into the booth to listen to takes, and re-inforces in my mind how much (I think) I suck. Then I get into the dreaded ‘hamster-wheel of negative re-inforcement’ where I hear myself sucking, my self-esteem takes a hit, and the next take blows even worse. My preferred modus operandi in the past was to just do three complete takes of everything, put them away, and come back to it a week or two later when I had some distance and could pretend that was some other poor sod playing sax on there. Recording somewhere like the Cellar actually facilitated this since Cory (in 2006 at least) wasn’t really set up in there to do playbacks.

Serependitously, on this last project I seem to have arrived, at least partially, at the kind of Kenny-Werner-Effortless-Mastery-esque style of objective workmanship you’re talking about. I was able to listen to playbacks without wincing, dispassionately evaluate changes I wanted to make on the next take and generally function more effectively as my own producer, which as you know is no easy task. I was also able to evaluate aspects of my playing that I’m not happy with (particularly some articulation issues that have always been with me, but that are more evident on the mouthpiece I’m currenly using on tenor) and start the process of remedying them in the practise room.

I had a conversation with pianist Robert Glasper about this recently, and he gave me some good advice. “Get over yourself,” he said. “It’s got nothing to do with you.” It’s the music we are (or should be) here in service of, not our own transitory little egos. What I’m starting to “get” is that listeners deep into the pudding will recognize each recording and performance for the work in progress that it is, and that people who are reflexively judgmental often lack the ears to hear the mistakes anyway.

Okay, well, it has potential…

For me, enjoyment of performance went up after no longer relying on music as my primary income. Why? Because I could play when I wanted, and play the gigs that I wanted. To take a step back, I alleviated the pressure of having to play and more emphasis was put on wanting to play.

But that eventually gave way to not playing as much.

If there was an emoticon with his head hanging in shame, I would place it right here.

But that’s besides the point, which is… it’s all in the performer’s head and so it doesn’t really matter how the performance was received.

I don’t know. Yeah, I guess if I always felt bad ass after playing then I would’ve been happy to associate that with my image but really?… between the age of 17 and 25 that was rarely the case. Hell, it’s rarely the case now but,… I don’t give a shit so much, you know, I care but,…I’m a many splendoured/layered onion now. There’s lots to me. You dig?

And yes, having the right sound equipment makes all the difference, because then you aren’t straining to hear yourself or be heard, but can focus on the music. Speaking of which, I need a new amp … Any recommendations?